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Just kidding —this is a notebook. Or as we call it, a Phantom Book.

With a cover weird enough to make people quietly question your life choices, it’s best left in strategic places:

  • on your coffee table,
  • on a friend’s coffee table right before their date comes over,
  • or on your desk at work.

On the Back:

Every neighborhood has one.

The dad who hums Waterfalls by TLC while mowing.

Who waves too long at the neighbors.

Who weed whacks in loafers.

This book is for him.

In Lawn Care for Effeminate Dads, Gregory F. Penman covers everything a softer man needs to know to take back the yard — and himself. Learn how to wave with less wrist action, compliment another man’s turf without making it weird, and tone down the hip sway when the music hits. Figure out what your hose says about you, and how to make it stop saying so much.

Whether you’re fighting lawn envy or just trying to look tougher while edging, this is your field guide to looking tough with soft hands.

“Got this for my brother because he listens to Norah Jones while trimming hedges and irons his cargo shorts. He said it was ‘too real.’”

— Bryan McAllister

“Bought this for my friend because he says things like, ‘The azaleas are really coming into themselves.’ I haven’t heard from him since. The lawn looks incredible, though.”

— Chris Keller

“Finally, a book about mowing in straight lines for gay men.”

— Anonymous

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